Hello Players! Welcome to The Game.

From nepotism and golf, to awards shows and royal appendages, we’ve got a doozy of a first edition for your enjoyment. 

One quick ask before you dive in: there's a Game waiting for you at the bottom of the newsletter. Please make sure to participate. 

Now, onto the Winners and Losers from Week 1 of The Game. 

WINNER

Sigmund Freud

The gears that power the royal family’s never ending relevance cranked onward after the release of Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare. By all accounts, the tell-all is a bit chaotic, a tad uncomfortable, and a lot better as an audiobook read by Harry. 

But one passage in particular stands out from the rest. It’s an account of Harry applying Elizabeth Arden, a cream used by his mother, to his frostbitten penis in 2011. 

If you listen closely to the clip above, you can actually hear Freud squirming in his grave. While Harry’s relationship with his mother is undeniably tragic, there’s no need to bring up that it felt as if she was “right there in the room” as you applied cream to the tip of your frost-bitten “todger.” 

LOSER

Being a world record holder

Elon Musk has made the Guinness Book of World Records but not because he finally passed Obama for the most followed account on Twitter. Instead, he is now the record holder for the “largest loss of personal fortune in history.”

Elon has lost approximately $182 billion since November 2021, although some sources suggest that it could actually be closer to $200 billion. Who did Elon pass to snag this unenviable title? None other than Masayoshi Son himself. The CEO of Softbank (and maker of epic pitch decks) lost a cool $58.6 billion when the tech bubble burst in 2000.  

Elon likely isn't too disappointed in his reversal of fortunes—he’s still hanging on to the #2 spot behind LVMH’s Bernard Arnault. Plus, holding a world record is kinda cool.

LOSER

Nepo babies

Remember how disappointed we all were to learn that Please Do Not Destory, the comedy group that recently joined SNL, were actually sons of the producers? Just me?

Well, no one is blind sided by the latest round of nepotism in the business world. Bernard Arnault named his daughter, Delphine, as the new CEO of Dior, the second-largest brand in LVMH's luxury portfolio.

It sets her up as a potential successor to run the $419 billion conglmorate going forward. But wait a second, why is this in the loser category? Feels like another win for nepotism!

Unfortunately for Delphine, her father placed her brother Antoine in charge of the holding company that manages the Arnault family fortune in December. When Bernard steps down, there's sure to be some jostling between the two siblings for control. Who said nepo babies had everything easy?

Regardless, the youths will have to wait a few more years before taking over—73-year-old Bernard Arnault recently changed company bylaws to allow him to keep running LVMH until the age of 80, up from the previous 75.

Insert Succession joke here. 

WINNER

Farmer's tans

Netflix is following up its surprise smash hit Drive to Survive by sending its documentarians to cover a sport equally as dangerous and compelling as Formula 1...the PGA Tour. 

Drive to Survive turned us all into F1 fans not only because fast cars are cool and the drivers are hot, but because of the drama. Who among us didn't pick a side in the Horner vs Toto feud?  

And even though golf may not be your cup of tea, the PGA's war with LIV Golf is just as juicy as anything happening on the tracks of Monaco...just with a couple more farmer's tans.

LOSER

Faking it till you make it 

At this point, an invite to the Forbes 30 Under 30 list should come with an orange jumpsuit. The latest Icarus-esque tale of a young trailblazer running into trouble with the law comes from Charlie Javice, the founder of financial aid startup, Frank. 

JPMorgan Chase is alleging in a lawsuit that Javice duped the bank into an $175 million acquisition by fabricating 4 million fake customer profiles. JPMorgan says that Frank likely had fewer than 300,000 real customer accounts when the deal went through. 

While every startup requires a certain level of faking it till you make it, falsifying customer accounts is not the right way to play The Game. Javice now joins Elizabeth Holmes, Martin Shkreli, and Sam Bankman-Fried as Forbes 30 Under 30 Alumni.

Forbes can really pick ‘em.

WINNER

Tom Cruise Golden Globes jokes 

The middle child of Hollywood awards shows returned to TV Tuesday night and it actually went kinda okay? You probably didn’t watch—viewership was way down from 2021—but there were some good moments. 

Jennifer Coolidge's speech, where she may or may not have been playing her character from White Lotus, went viral. Then Everything, Everywhere, All at Once star Michelle Yeoh reminded the person in charge of the play-off music that she could literally kick their ass if they didn’t stop interrupting her. 

But the most entertaining sound bite came from host Jerrod Carmichael roasting Tom Cruise. He offered to trade Cruise's three trophies he "found" backstage for the the safe return of Shelly Miscavige, the wife of the leader of the Church of Scientology, who has’t been seen in public for years.

Those audible gasps you hear in the room? Sign of a well crafted awards show joke.

LOSER

Shutting up 

Sam Bankman-Fried's crypto empire came crashing down this December leading to his eventual arrest. But instead of retreating from the public eye like most disgraced founders, he did what every mid-twenties male does when having a quarter life crisis: launch a newsletter.

It's a wild move considering he is currently a criminal in the eyes of the US with a trial scheduled for October 2. His lawyers are no doubt loving his foray into the creator economy.

GAMES

Introducing The Button 

Welcome to the first game within The Game. It’s called The Button.

The rules are simple. 

Reply to this email with a guess of how many times the button below will be clicked. 

Whoever guesses the correct number of clicks wins the amount of money in the prize pool.

If no one guesses the correct number, the prize pool doubles and the game continues.  

Some important pieces of data to know before you guess:

• As of sending, The Game has 557 subscribers 

• Each person can only click The Button once

• You don’t have to click The Button

• You can forward this email and have your friends click The Button

• Everyone could collectively guess an intentionally wrong answer in order to double the prize pool for next week 

Taking all that into account, make sure you get your guesses in before next Friday.

Good luck, Players. See you next week.